Ilmarë a écrit :Comme déclinait le jour assombrit
D’aucune nuit ne pourrait rivaliser
Sinon ta chevelure, tel un lit
Que l’obscurité n’aurait su renier.

Squall-Estel a écrit :le "D'aucune nuit " me parait obscur (si j'ose dire) . ca équivaut à "aucune nuit"? ou bien à "aucune nuit de..."? de quoi?

Tolkien, Chapitre 11, Un poignard dans le noir a écrit :The leaves were long, the grass was green,
The hemlock-umbels tall and fair,
And in the glade a light was seen
Of stars in shadow shimmering.
Tinúviel was dancing there
To music of a pipe unseen,
And light of stars was in her hair,
And in her raiment glimmering.

There Beren came from mountains cold,
And lost he wandered under leaves,
And where the Elven-river rolled
He walked alone and sorrowing.
He peered between the hemlock-leaves
And saw in wonder flowers of gold
Upon her mantle and her sleeves,
And her hair like shadow following.

Enchantment healed his weary feet
That over hills were doomed to roam;
And forth he hastened, strong and fleet,
And grasped at moonbeams glistening.
Through woven woods in Elvenhome
She lightly fled on dancing feet,
And left him lonely still to roam
In the silent forest listening.

He heard there oft the flying sound
Of feet as light as linden-leaves,
Or music welling underground,
In hidden hollows quavering.
Now withered lay the hemlock-sheaves,
And one by one with sighing sound
Whispering fell the beachen leaves
In the wintry woodland wavering.

He sought her ever, wandering far
Where leaves of years were thickly strewn,
By light of moon and ray of star
In frosty heavens shivering.
Her mantle glinted in the moon,
As on a hill-top high and far
She danced, and at her feet was strewn
A mist of silver quivering.

When winter passed, she came again,
And her song released the sudden spring,
Like rising lark, and falling rain,
And melting water bubbling.
He saw the elven-flowers spring
About her feet, and healed again
He longed by her to dance and sing
Upon the grass untroubling.

Again she fled, but swift he came.
Tinúviel! Tinúviel!
He called her by her elvish name;
And there she halted listening.
One moment stood she, and a spell
His voice laid on her: Beren came,
And doom fell on Tinúviel
That in his arms lay glistening.

As Beren looked into her eyes
Within the shadows of her hair,
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored shimmering.
Tinúviel the elven-fair,
Immortal maiden elven-wise,
About him cast her shadowy hair
And arms like silver glimmering.

Long was the way that fate them bore,
O'er stony mountains cold and grey,
Through halls of ireon and darkling door,
And woods of nightshade morrowless.
The Sundering Seas between them lay,
And yet at last they met once more,
And long ago they passed away
In the forest singing sorrowless.

Squall-Estel a écrit : il faisait allusion à ta faute de frappe Ilmarë!

Juste: ton poème serait encore meilleur si tu faisais en fin de compte plus attention à l'orthographe et la grammaire... sinon on ne trouve que des morceaux de phrases incohérents et juxtaposés
cela dit, j'ai pris le temps de lire attentivement et à plusieurs reprises ton poème pouir voir les formules que tu tentais d'utiliser et le poème est réllement beau... c'est pourquoi il serait dommage de le gacher par des fautes triviales de francais. Je suis sur que tu peux en faire un vrai joyau, ne t'en prive pas!

Citation :cela dit, j'ai pris le temps de lire attentivement et à plusieurs reprises ton poème pouir voir les formules que tu tentais d'utiliser et le poème est réllement beau... c'est pourquoi il serait dommage de le gacher par des fautes triviales de francais.

Citation :Je suis sur que tu peux en faire un vrai joyau, ne t'en prive pas!

Squall-Estel a écrit :(vers de votre serviteur, qui n'ayant pas le SDA sous la main ne peut pas retrouver la strophe originale.)